I had a dream of her last night
The rain was coming down hard — like the sky was trying to tell me something
Like God was crying with me,
Or laughing at me,
I still can’t tell which
She was there, standing in the doorway,
Wearing the same hoodie she wore the day she left
And I swear I could smell her perfume through the dream
Sweet and heavy
Like it wanted to choke me out
I said her name and my chest felt tight
Like I was back in that moment
When I saw the texts and the world cracked open
And every drop of rain since then
Has felt like glass on my skin
I asked her why
She smiled
Not the smile I used to know
Not the one that made me feel like a king
But the one she had when she thought I was too stupid to notice
Too in love to see what was right in front of me
The storm outside got louder
Thunder shook the windows,
And I swore I could feel it in my veins —
Like my blood was boiling to the sound of the sky breaking
I woke up in a sweat,
Heart pounding like I’d been running from something
Lit a cigarette, sat by the window
Watched the real rain fall
Wondering if she woke up too
Or if she’s sleeping peacefully next to someone else
I had a dream of her last night
And for a second I almost prayed
But the words got stuck in my throat
So I just let the rain say them for me
And it kept saying her name
Over and over
Until the sun came up
And I wished I hadn’t dreamed at all.