I been learning to sit with myself
the way you sit with the last light
right before the sky decides
whether it wants to turn purple or just go dark.
I used to chase every noise
like my heart was some alley cat
that never learned the meaning of home.
I kept thinking peace was somewhere else
in someone else
in the next rush
the next door
the next pair of hands
that promised they could hold me
without shaking.
But lately I’ve been waking up slow
letting the coffee bloom in my chest
letting the silence tell me things
I was always too loud to hear.
Like how my breath
is its own kind of forgiveness.
How my scars
don’t mean something’s wrong with me
they just mean I survived
the parts of life that tried to take my name.
And when I catch myself smiling
for no damn reason
I don’t question it anymore.
I don’t ask if I earned it
or if I’m supposed to be sad today.
I just let it happen
the way the sun lets itself
fall behind buildings
without apologizing
for leaving early.
See I used to think peace
was something I had to win
like a prize for learning
how to hurt quietly.
But now I know it’s softer than that.
It’s just me
finally trusting the ground I stand on
finally forgiving the boy I was
for not knowing better
finally loving the man I am
even on the days I still feel
lost in my own skin.
And maybe it won’t last forever
maybe nothing ever does
but tonight
it feels like I am learning how to glow
without burning anything down.
And peace
peace is like a sunset
it doesn’t stay
but it leaves the whole sky
a little more honest
every time it goes.